50

Addiction like
a familiar fiend
staring down the bottom
of a porcelain bowl
I forfeited what I believed
I didn’t deserve.

Finding my old self there
the one who spiralled to this moment
a girl who used to believe
that size zero had gravitas to it

I felt comfort in the past
of reminding myself of who I used to be
and all I still have left
to become.

Progress is progress is progress
and relapse is not an eclipse
just a moment within this large expanse
of forgiving oneself
for turning out the light
before it got dark.

A paper boat may not sail the seven seas
and may not get to
the finish line first
but she is still a boat
and she is still
getting somewhere