181

some days I feel like rain
when it pours like a weight
I’m asking others to carry

some days I feel like snow
falling, slowly
landing wherever feels right
at the time

some days I feel like sunshine
warm and light and full of life
eager to share it with everyone I meet

and some days I feel like dew
drops on a blade of grass
starting fresh, starting anew
no matter what happened yesterday

176

I wonder if my past selves
could guess where I’d be today
through phases and teething pains
I’ve grown into a full-fledged person
that (I hope) can make my parents proud
to make their sacrifice worth it

there once were dreams I swore I’d dreamt
believing I could be someone worth the pride
I keep giving to other people

the world keeps spinning and I keep going
and I just hope that’s enough
I hope my past selves are cheering

175

neatly, row by row
we expect things to go, just so
an exact science
a perfect, synchronous dance

I’ve never quite felt that
things went according to plan
my to do list, neatly ticked
instead it was more like
ingredients poured into a bowl
mixed until it’s all
one and the same

at the end of the day, you end up with a cake
and it’s delicious and warm and colourful
who cares what it looked like to get here
if you already earned your slice

173

like a weight on your chest
acknowledge when it’s not yours to carry
just because it is heavy

preserve strength for the moments that matter
seek understanding in
the things you cannot change

for you have many, many years left
to do many, many great things
and there is no space in the cabin
for someone else’s luggage

171

seeing this horizon
of all the greatest things
I’m allegedly destined to be
it’s terrifying to imagine any of it
not coming true

like an anti-horoscope
knowing what you’re capable of
and not mustering the willpower
to grab at it

to know the fruit is there
the sweetest thing you may ever taste
but being afraid of heights

154

how many days do I spend thinking
I’m doing the wrong thing
letting self doubt burn me alive
dousing this fire

why is it when we think of ourselves
we first think of what we are not
how radical would it be if I
kept the flame lit
and let nothing put it out
not even me?

153

I’ve spent childhood believing
that there’s this idyllic destination
where the people are kind
and the world doles out only
what you can handle
that there’s some supreme being
making decisions that are
what’s best for me

but I’m learning lately that
looking out for yourself
is the only guarantee that you’re cared for
that there are no other more capable hands
to manifest what the future holds for me
than mine.