I once used to choose between essentials
to save on the costs I’d accrue
so frugal in my pursuit of protecting
my coin purse
that fallen sparrow
that delicate insecurity
of knowing what I needed and yet
simply could not afford
I remind myself to be thankful
to be in a position of privilege
to have the power to pay for
the things I deserve
because of what I’ve built
because of everything I’ve achieved
because of the person I’ve grown to become
all those years ago
backseat driver
we cruise through life and think that we are responsible
for everything that happens
for all the doors we don’t open
for all the windows we close
sometimes I feel so much for the way things were
a sense of loneliness that only I seem to recall
I listen to old songs
I watch the same movies, trying
to hold onto something I can’t touch
time passes
whether we acknowledge it or not
and all we can do is keep driving
how often do we forgive
the transgressions of others
before we forgive the ones
we commit against ourselves
spaghetti strap-sized scolding
girls used to get sent home for
their sunburnt shoulders
why would we make it so easy to ogle
why would we make it so worth looking at
how often were we taught that
someone else’s wandering gaze
was our fault
are we culminations
of our past selves
cheering us on as we parade
into the ever unknown
or are we happy accidents
ending up where we’re meant to be
no matter where we land
space in your day
is carved from within you
woven into how you carry the weight
of every single day and the potential it possesses
because there really is no such thing
as the right time to do something
for there is only time, and
what we choose to do or not do with it
you always think that these
monumental occasions will weigh on you
this powerful compound of all your hard work
bringing you closer to this idealistic sense of self
the truth is that sometimes it comes and goes
in the middle of the night
and you don’t realize its there until
you’re sitting on your bed
realizing just how far you’ve come from the start
and that moment you once dreamt of
imagined it in the palm of your tiny hands
all those years ago
is here, right now
the strangest routines are now commonplace
my favourite snacks, delivered to door
no one comes to visit
new voices introduced through headphones
waving goodbye to the computer screen
how has time lapsed like
the world’s fastest stopwatch
you’d swear it was rigged
you’d swear this is ordinary
a lonely ghost
a light, flickered out
the one I left on for you
how often do we wish upon people
that do not wish for us
when do we turn out the lights
and walk away from the dark
on our own volition
upon belief that ghosts only haunt us
when we keep them around
pieces of puzzles
missing something you can’t touch
always calling home
elleguyence 