one day soon
we’ll be sitting in the sun
the beach waves flicker
with sunlight, reflecting back
a nearby stereo plays
a song you love
people around you laugh
about their sundays
one day soon
but until then, remember
that life is a string of moments
from one to the next
and this current one we’re in
is just one of them
I wonder if my past selves
could guess where I’d be today
through phases and teething pains
I’ve grown into a full-fledged person
that (I hope) can make my parents proud
to make their sacrifice worth it
there once were dreams I swore I’d dreamt
believing I could be someone worth the pride
I keep giving to other people
the world keeps spinning and I keep going
and I just hope that’s enough
I hope my past selves are cheering
neatly, row by row
we expect things to go, just so
an exact science
a perfect, synchronous dance
I’ve never quite felt that
things went according to plan
my to do list, neatly ticked
instead it was more like
ingredients poured into a bowl
mixed until it’s all
one and the same
at the end of the day, you end up with a cake
and it’s delicious and warm and colourful
who cares what it looked like to get here
if you already earned your slice
it snows every day you’re not around
I drive around memories of you
a cul-de-sac collection
the finest rose-coloured moments
when you always said the right thing
and everything else
every misstep or argument
swiftly forgotten
how often do we put people on pedestals
imaginations of the faces we project
the faces we wish we were
like a weight on your chest
acknowledge when it’s not yours to carry
just because it is heavy
preserve strength for the moments that matter
seek understanding in
the things you cannot change
for you have many, many years left
to do many, many great things
and there is no space in the cabin
for someone else’s luggage
how flowers bloom even when no one watches
how growth comes from deep within
whether there’s applause or not
how many days do I spend thinking
I’m doing the wrong thing
letting self doubt burn me alive
dousing this fire
why is it when we think of ourselves
we first think of what we are not
how radical would it be if I
kept the flame lit
and let nothing put it out
not even me?
I’ve spent childhood believing
that there’s this idyllic destination
where the people are kind
and the world doles out only
what you can handle
that there’s some supreme being
making decisions that are
what’s best for me
but I’m learning lately that
looking out for yourself
is the only guarantee that you’re cared for
that there are no other more capable hands
to manifest what the future holds for me
than mine.
this much I know is true
you can work hard for the dreams you’ve dreamt
buy fancy clothes, diamond necklaces
host wonderful dinner parties, RSVP only
and still go to bed alone.
if you spend every day in service of a goal
you decide to put nothing else first
find calm in quiet days
with people you love
doing nothing in particular
because remember come morning, even
the richest of the rich
in their lush coats and finest silks
have to change out of their clothes.
I’ve slipped on my shoes and
I’m pushing the front door open
greeted by rich, dense humidity
creating a thin sheer of dew
on my summer’s skin
I’m transported to this time in my life
when togetherness was just a neighbour away
and every problem felt like a big one
I stepped off the porch
the way humid warmth attaches to me
like nostalgia
there’s comfort in the heat
of feeling so uncomfortable
I place one foot out
and then the other
the cicadas so loudly exclaiming
what a relief it is
to live in the past
because at least, you
always know what happens next.
elleguyence 