120

there’s frost on the windows
melting solid on the sill
a transparent canvas to draw on

I find you in the kitchen
coffee stained sweater sleeves
I spy footprints when the light hits
the hardwood floor just right;
yesterday’s fancy footwork
in the oven’s blinking light
always reminded of time passing, yet
dancing to it anyway

it’s 8:55am and I’m running out the door
another day at the office
I kiss you like I did last year
and every day since
just like ordinary

119

a bubble, burst
each time a year passes, I
feel it a little more
a sensation like hourglass sand
slipping through my calloused hands

I think of fizzles
champagne, popped
cold, crisp, unsweetened
an overflowing farewell to what we leave behind
and a toast to all we hope is ahead

118

In my life, I’ve heard stories that could crumble whole cities
some that tear us open and
dig at whatever is left
I’ve felt that secondhand sadness
when you are so overwhelmed by how much you feel
that you don’t think you can carry it all

I’ve cried with the ones I’ve loved
and said goodbye to things too good to be true
worlds that are oceans away
and lives I didn’t get a chance to live

I’ve watched people dust themselves off
wipe away tears and
move on, no fanfare

and god if that isn’t enough to know
that the world is cruel, but the world understands
maybe we don’t always get what we want
but we’re always in orbit, together
and I’m okay with that

 

 

The year is coming to a close, and I’m bringing this phrase with me: “and I’m okay with that.” Consider all the things going on in your life and all the battles you still have ahead, and add this phrase to the end of it. Here’s some of mine:

I’m a little sad to say goodbye, and I’m okay with that.
I haven’t figured it out yet, and I’m okay with that.

What are yours? Stay positive, friends. See you next year.

Love,
ELLE

117

life, lived through transition
of finding homes and making new ones
the inherent past of “returning home”
shows just how far we can stray.

I’ve met people who cried like clouds
who stuck to my skin like humidity
and sought to make a house of me

I’m learning to root my feet
into the earth, proclaiming
everything is home to me,
as long as I want it to be so.

114

cicadas to city dreams
so easily are we lost
in the bustle hustle

growing up suburban
sidewalks were canvases
meant only for my chalk
meant only for creatures I’d create

in the city, it’s vibrant
with people of diverse
colour and aspirations
of becoming even bigger than
what our parents could’ve ever wished for us

staying up late nights, I’m
drowning in all the things I swore I’d do
I’m reminded of the nights I’d spend sleeping,
dreaming of worlds I’d build and lives I’d change

it’s easy to think you’re not good enough
when there’s all this mess in front of you
but find quiet pockets in time
tranquility in a book, in a warm coffee
because regardless of wherever you are
(or wherever you wish you’d be)
there’s nothing wrong with where you are

be your best ✨

dear, you (1)

I’ve done a lot of thinking about our individual paths on this planet. Thinking about my trajectory, where I’ve come, where I’ve been, where I’m going and certainly, where I stack up compared to my peers. Today, I’d like to talk about self actualization.

There are a handful of humans I’ve met in my life that have expressed how things haven’t quite gone their way. And I’m the first to say that not everyone’s lives follow similar paths, in fact they often become better when we follow different paths! However, it’s within the framing of that argument that brings me pause. I’m talking about “I don’t like where I am. Other people seem to have it so easy.”

Look, you’re allowed to vent about what you feel are ‘shortcomings’. You’re allowed to be unhappy in your current station in life. But something that I believe should be more thoughtfully conveyed, is your ability to change those factors.

Framing your shortcomings by outlining another person’s success is neither fair for that person or for you. To say that other people have ‘gotten lucky’ or ‘are naturally better’ than you are, both offers you that lack of accountability, and diminishes that person’s success. They did not get to where they are by chance, and neither will you.

Be accountable for the things you wish were different. Picture it with me: where do you want to be in five years? Then, visualize what you need to do to get there. Are you on track to fulfill your goals? If not, what are you going to do about it?

Comparison is the biggest disservice you can do to yourself and to others. Hold yourself accountable to your goals. Watch your dreams come to life because you made them happen. Show up for yourself, and yourself only.

 

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love,
ELLE