one day soon
we’ll be sitting in the sun
the beach waves flicker
with sunlight, reflecting back
a nearby stereo plays
a song you love
people around you laugh
about their sundays
one day soon
but until then, remember
that life is a string of moments
from one to the next
and this current one we’re in
is just one of them
sometimes, my ambition runs hot
wavering like summer heat
stifling and overwhelming and
exhausting
there are days like today
when I’m braver than my own good
and I imagine this insurmountable wave
a tidal collapsing, rushing the shore
and I can’t see the other side
a pathway I can’t see yet
and it feels big and it feels scary
and I don’t know if I’m meant to make it
this is the part where I tell you
I’ll do my best
and that no matter what, everything will be fine
but lately I’m fantasizing that tidal wave
and how refreshing it will be
when it crashes over me
the days get warmer
and I swear I’m getting softer
I think of teenage times when
everything felt monumental
every moment mattered
I would wear my favourite cardigan
the one with tiny pockets
and I’d walk to school, wondering how
time passed between one and the next
lately I’m watching entire seasons pass
from my patio window
I wish so deeply to
go back to when the world was small
and everything was significant
I could live in that naivety
just a little bit longer
rain dances
sun radiates
waves crash
a world of endless movement
what does that freedom taste like
a fruit just out of reach
an apple, unpluckable
do I have to be taller to reach it
or is it simply not mine to have
some days I feel like rain
when it pours like a weight
I’m asking others to carry
some days I feel like snow
falling, slowly
landing wherever feels right
at the time
some days I feel like sunshine
warm and light and full of life
eager to share it with everyone I meet
and some days I feel like dew
drops on a blade of grass
starting fresh, starting anew
no matter what happened yesterday
life is a string of moments
this day is merely one of them
I remind myself of all the times I swore
I couldn’t do it
when I was ready to give in
the fear too palpable to swallow
I think of those moments
life-changing decisions I couldn’t see myself
seeing through
and think of who I am today
the antithesis of that fear
the phoenix from that rubble
I take those ashes and scatter them
like confetti
I once used to choose between essentials
to save on the costs I’d accrue
so frugal in my pursuit of protecting
my coin purse
that fallen sparrow
that delicate insecurity
of knowing what I needed and yet
simply could not afford
I remind myself to be thankful
to be in a position of privilege
to have the power to pay for
the things I deserve
because of what I’ve built
because of everything I’ve achieved
because of the person I’ve grown to become
all those years ago
snow falls and time passes
the sun stays
a little longer than the night before
and yet I still go to bed cold
the times we take warmth for granted
the way heat stuck to you like a tattoo
cement sidewalks emitting a fever on your feet
if there was a way to feel warmer on any given day
no matter the weather
if I could bottle up bike rides and orange sunrises
strawberries ripe on the kitchen counter
a perfume I wish I could buy
I wonder if my past selves
could guess where I’d be today
through phases and teething pains
I’ve grown into a full-fledged person
that (I hope) can make my parents proud
to make their sacrifice worth it
there once were dreams I swore I’d dreamt
believing I could be someone worth the pride
I keep giving to other people
the world keeps spinning and I keep going
and I just hope that’s enough
I hope my past selves are cheering
elleguyence 