As if everyday was New Year’s Eve,
you crack me open to see what you get in return.
When you treat everyone as just a gear to a mechanism,
you’ll soon realize how robotic you’ve become.

You were born from love
of jungle gyms and stomping grounds, but
if you’ve only ever seen the world through
this lens of us versus them
then I’m sure you were great at hide and seek.

Wearing others down like
a pair of shoes I meant to replace,
when someone’s resolve shatters under your pressure
like the snap of a thunderclap
is it music to your ears?

We were put on this earth with others
and maybe one day you’ll figure that out.
It’s no quiet accomplishment
sewing up these loud sutures again and again,
but if you do find yourself alone
thinking maybe I’ll take your call,
know that I am among an army of others
and you’ll be a ghost in my voicemail.

Because while I walk with such unsightly lesions,
at least I don’t carry the weight of your nasty, nasty heart.


Hi everyone! I’ve been so busy at my summer internship, and I apologize it takes me so long to get back to all your loving comments. I swear I’m working through them– you’re all so important to me, so please be patient! If you’d like to keep up to date with me and my personal adventures, please find me on Instagram at @elleguyen ๐Ÿ™‚
Thanks for coming by this Sunday! Always remember it’s easier to say no the first time than it is to sew yourself up after the fact.



64 thoughts on “32

  1. Jay Kaushal

    Wow. Nailed it at the befinning itself babe: “As if everyday was New Yearโ€™s Eve,
    you crack me open to see what you get in return.” Always a pleasure visiting you on Sundays. Keep writing and good luck with your internship! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m a PR/marketing intern for an agency, so I’m helping out with clients and a lot of everything–the role is really fluid, so it’s up to me what I want to take on. It’s really important, because I’m the only student of my peers to have been offered a relevant role in first year, which will outline my success later on in terms of experience. Thank you for asking!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. oviate

        We’ll have a lot to chat about then. A large interest of my own is in psychoanalysis and analytical psychology which is a large part of PR and marketing. Jung was smeared in his life because he studied religious motifs in a “scientific field” by trying to link him to a Nazi sympathizer even though he studied how propaganda was used to create a mass collective movement. He was severely harmed by Germany so he’d never sympathize. It’s just that what he did to the field of psychology wasn’t thought of fondly during the “enlightenment” era..

        Yes, we can have some fun discussions about PR.


      2. oviate

        A really quick suggestion: when you get time go read Man and His Symbols which is a very easily reader friendly synopsis of Jungian analysis.
        It will tell you some things like the weird reason 50 Shades of Grey was so popular: it is actually the motif for beauty and the beast updated which is why it connected with so many people.

        There is also another small book on the subject I could suggest which is specifically about that which is also Jungian but I’ll say that one later..

        Liked by 1 person

      3. oviate

        I’m sure you know the father of PR and modern marketing is Edward Bernay’s who was Freud’s cousin. lol..
        you probably know more about that than I do. I just view Jungian as seeming more geared for PR and marketing because it has a larger list unconscious motivators/symbols that relay messages quickly-visually-emotionally.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. oviate

        I was asked about 5-6 years ago to join a group to focus on marketing to the occupy Wall Street group but I just couldn’t get myself to do it. It’s not… I’m not trained in marketing or PR and I didn’t think that’s what that movement was about nor if that movement knew what it was about either. My view of that movement plus others seems to be, to me, that we’ve reached a point in this renewed Victorian era that people are too out of touch with their own emotions and with each other that being able to work together may be impossible. Which brings up the point with Bernays… with sex being such a big primal motivator–how are we going to adapt the marketing? You got a tough job ahead of you..


      5. oviate

        I have a strong interest in media. All forms. I have a love/hate relationship with marketing though. I have a weird rebellious side.


      6. oviate

        If the link works and you get time, this song explains why I opted to go with this subject over blogs on blogs.. this song is the center of the songs that’s branch out over decades that connect. (Right Where It Belongs). So, you’ll see, the subject of it is very very very vast.. it’ll touch on why we do what we do..


      7. oviate

        So..the downward spiral, the fragile, with teeth, the slip, year zero, and the last 2 EP’s plus the next are all part of the same story that branches into parallel universes.


      8. oviate

        If you ever watched the Leftovers, I’m about 90% certain that show was actually a side adaptation by hbo because reznor postponed the year Zero series because the script wasn’t written yet. A lot of it is the same up to the characters dying and going to a parallel universe as different versions of the same people plus the perfect strangers theme which has the “nothing can stop me now” repeat over and over.. plus.. the main musical motif in nin albums is used in the Leftovers themes. lol.


      9. oviate

        There’s this too..
        It’ll take a long time to get around to it, I may just gradually tease it until I write the parts.

        I may do an astrology post prior just because.. I’ll lose interest within the upcoming days. Maybe I’ll link that to you so, if you check yours out, you can quickly know how to read it.
        I’m still working on catching up to your page.



      10. oviate

        Gotta read it first. ๐Ÿ˜‰ it’s just telling people what’s underneath the static of a video no one was able to figure out which is part of the marketing campaign.
        I found what I was looking for in the astrology stuff so I’m kind of moved on. I’d be curious what your north node is.

        It’s like this.. normal astrology tells you your personality and creativity is actually in the esoteric that’s just your inner world. It’s like the mbti sort of. An intj is really and esfp. They just don’t know they are..


      11. oviate

        I can do this..

        Your sun sign is ego which is who you think you are.
        Your moon is your shadow which is the emotional side you may be unaware of.
        Your mercury is how your mind works which is almost always the same as sun, hence, you’re ego.
        Venus is Aphrodite, you’re attitude towards love.
        Mars is the god of war, your motivations.
        Jupiter is what we refer to as God; it’s your good/bad fortune.
        Saturn is life lessons through judgment which needs the house aka time/location of birth. A Saturn return coincides with when the human brain fully develops and you’ll suddenly realize past mistakes in life.
        The rising/ascending is your soul vibration and accidental “mask” you’ll show to society. (Birth time/location) etc.. I’ll spare the rest and houses.
        The big one is moon nodes and how this is big is explained this way.
        It’s like a tree of knowledge.. or yin/yang. Your south is your roots, your north is your growth INTO who you really are. An example of why this matters can be explained in my grandparents recent deaths (my gram just passed today)
        My grandpa: Aries north/libra south. His final months were dealing with his codependent relationship with his spouse and his desire to be fully independent. He was almost alone for 6 months. Nearly died alone.
        My grandma: Aquarius North/Leo south. Many disliked her because she was wanting to be treated as the center of the universe and had a preachy side of always being right; it was blamed on her sun being Leo but it was the combination of sun and south node. Because her life lesson was to be a “have” to help the “have nots” and didn’t learn this lesson; the last thing she did prior to getting morally ill was go home to get her fortune which she planned to keep for herself so no one else could have it. She was in hospice for a week trying to let go because she lacked spirituality which was supposed to be learned in this life.
        That’s why that matters so much. ๐Ÿ˜‰


      12. oviate

        I have a sec so I’ll explain that link. That book is just about how it’s natural we all grow into adults with traumas and complexes that we then seek out in relationships which hurt us because we want to be hurt to reconcile a past issue. Like someone who has a martyr complex will hurt themselves and others by using their need to control to complain of suffering by having to do everything. lol. It’s not exactly what the title sounds like; someone bought it for me and I tossed it aside saying “I’m not reading that..” I caved and found it insightful into the human psyche.


      13. oviate

        It isn’t actually sexual.. it starts out being very clear it’s not about the pathological side and more about the average person who kind of self sabotages themselves in their regular life. It’s more saying to be self aware and bring those elements knowingly into the relationship with the other so there’s a stronger emotional bond, but, it’s not a book about sex itself. It says that during the Victorian era behaviors became pathological because just normal human emotions were repressed by society (everyone had to be stoic and respectfully behaved at all times).


      14. oviate

        I found something very strange in my chart that I waited to look at even though I looked at parts before. Last night I had an “ummm, uh oh” moment then frustrated a little because I really don’t grasp what it means. World concepts may be part of it, it’s like the 4th turning theory and we are at this point society wise and even in terms of astronomical ages we are shifting into a new one simultaneously. Our entire collective conscious/unconscious will shift a little.


  2. Once again, this reminds me of my narcissistic psychopathic ex, wow. I might have to add this to my Kaleidoscope!

    Hey, I nominated you for the Mystery Blogger Award – if you are still busy with your internship, I’m so sorry! I just really admire your writing and blog and you are one of my faves!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your nomination!! Unfortunately I am so behind in my nominations that I feel bad picking and choosing which ones I fill out– I’ve decided to no longer follow through with them. Not that I don’t appreciate them! But I’m sure you know how much work they are, and the world is on my plate. Thank you!!

      I am so happy to hear you resonate with this! Sometimes we all run into shadows of people that we’ve all met–that’s how we can really tell these stories. Thank you for your support!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey! Generally with trolls I just leave them in spam or stop answering them. They can’t hurt you through a computer screen. As long as you know you’re worth more, suddenly their traps mean a lot less. Hope that helps ๐Ÿ™‚


  3. Hey Beauty!!! I hope You are having a wonderful time in Your internship! And no worries!!! Lord! I am a week behind, myself!!! Just now reading last weeks posts. I think everyone understands!

    Once again….this was an absolute powerhouse. I’m in love with the last line. It gives permission to just LET GO.

    Thank You, Cheers and have fun!!! ๐Ÿ’–:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for following up on me! I have been absolutely slammed with work and I love it. I definitely have been behind in my blog but itโ€™s friends like you who always keep me going. Thank you for your loving words!!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Bissafiyah

    This is gonna sound a little silly, but I found myself… giggling after the last two stanzas. What you’ve portrayed is so accurate, it’s a laugh in the face of depression. Beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

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