27

My whole life I’ve heard:
“travel the world
fill the passport pages
and at the last sheet,
you find yourself.”

How clean, picturesque a concept
you forget about the way there.
I’ve left my home behind in search of the greater me
and I’ve also not arrived at the destination.
The fear of adventure lies
in the in-between of on-the-way

The eerie silence of a hostel
filled with travelling strangers
staring at the ceiling, willing it to open up
and for the stars to align your way.

That deep sense of regret,
of thinking you’ve made
the world’s worst choice by leaving home
and the blessings of everyone you’ve loved
your comfy nook of this universe
their good will an ocean away.

The flight isn’t the scariest part
but the landing.
Buying a ticket to destination is easy
finding somewhere to
set your heavy luggage down
somewhere soft,
and making it a home is the battlefield.

 

Thank you all so much for your support in voting for my scholarship essay! We reached 4100 votes by closing day, and I couldn’t have done it without everyone in this community. The recipients are announced on April 30, but I’ve already won, knowing how supportive my followers have been to me in this academic endeavour.

I can’t thank you all enough for your sweet kindness towards me. I appreciate you all endlessly. Happy Sunday.

Love,

Elle

55 thoughts on “27

  1. OHHHHH! I hope You win, Elle!!! I’ve actually been voting almost daily. Crossing my fingers. Your sweet note is golden!!!

    Poetry, like art, my paintings, is always interesting. People (me included!!!) tend to take things literally, as we see them. So I reply knowing I may be SOOOO off!!! 🤗 But my boyfriend is one who sincerely LOVES the world and thoroughly enjoys himself but holds not longing for travel, really, so hasn’t done much and is quite fine with that!!! I myself was DNA’d with a serious case of wanderlust and have had some WONDERFUL adventures including a 6 week solo, uniteneraried trip to Greece, A 2 month unscheduled jaunt to India and a 7 week uniteneraried walkabout with my then 6 year old son through England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales. If You’re like my boyfriend, I say do Your thing and don’t worry about travel!!! As the saying goes, “Wherever You go…there You are.” I truly believe we learn what we are supposed to learn no matter what we do with our time here. But if You are like me at all….or have an itch to travel, I say…GO!!! The world and the people are so much more beautiful than we are led to believe!!! There is serious sweetness out there. You are crazy, wonderfully smart and have wide open beautiful heart! Stay tucked in or dive off the cliff…Your life is going to be brilliant!!!! And You will find Yourself no matter what Your path. Cheers, good luck and Rock on!!! ✨☀️🤗😊

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Omg thank you so much for sharing your story! This is inspired by my boyfriend, who left his whole life in Australia in search for a Canadian adventure, and he told me of that first night alone in a hostel, no one he knew, one bag, different continent and that overwhelming sense of having done the worst thing he could’ve–left everything he loved behind. I loved channelling that, and writing this piece. We’ve all got wanderlust in us, and if we just let it guide us and forget that fear, we really do find ourselves. 🙂 Happy travels to us both, my dear friend!

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Philip! Haha, now that voting has closed, I almost don’t know what to do with my time–I was so engulfed in generating votes, it’s a relief to redistribute that time back into my blog. See you around! 🙂

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  2. This piece resonated with me so much, because I’m about to leave home and find “somewhere to set my heavy luggage down and make it my home.” I anticipate it *will* be a battlefield indeed, and I could only hope to have the strength enough for it.

    Lovely writing, Elle, and congrats in advance! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. varjakBaby

    I live in a home and I still have nowhere to place my luggage. Let alone open it. Let alone arrange the contents pleasantly on the shelves that haunt this empty place.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is absolutely what Ben felt for a long time in his “transition” apartment. He lived in this small room with his bags from Australia neglected from being put in wardrobes because he kept telling himself he would move into something more permanent–but never got around to it until we found a place together. That strange in-between time of knowing you’re not at “home”–so where is? Thanks for commenting, my dear friend. 🙂

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  4. The thing I took away most intently on a first reading was how this poem refrains from editorializing about how “it’s all gonna get better soon!” I took pleasure in this unsentimental wariness of the speaker about what really is the best path, or have they made a big mistake?

    Though much of the speaker’s stance is contextualized above in the comment on the poem’s genesis, I think it still leaves the poem’s unresolved emotion, its lack of assurance, intriguing and refreshing. –Though from our author’s pov, if we identify the speaker with her boyfriend then this becomes in a way a sort of covert love poem, author enveloping speaker with the unspoken assurance of a soft landing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love this interpretation! I absolutely wanted to keep it open ended because it isn’t authentic to generate that ending for so many people who can feel this sense of misplacement. We all end up somewhere–whether making our new home, or returning to our old one. And that’s totally okay! We have our own paths. Thank you for coming by!

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  5. great poem, Elle. A bit like the musing on returning which others have written about (including that one can never return, for the world left behind has moved on and so has one).

    I was born in one country, raised in another, spent 30 years working in yet another, visited a number of other nations, “returned” to the country of my upbringing …. and for all its difficulties have no intention of ever living in any other country (nor, if I can help it, in any other city than Dublin, Ireland).

    Liked by 1 person

  6. oviate

    One of the things that brought me back to the blog-sphere was an astrology chart reading where my North/South nodes were told which (because of mentioned family deaths) shifted me to actually complete a portfolio.
    It was a woman in a large gothic mansion with no furniture or even clothes and she didn’t care, she just looked into the world through a “world window” seeing through the eyes of others who explained human suffering to me.
    I later found the interpretation was the house is my “self” and she was my own “anima”, we all have our different paths and my path (according to this chart) was to find my own inner self/soul and that was her. With said deaths I started checking their nodes to see if they completed their mission in this life and they were scarily accurate. North and south nodes are our person yin & yang. We have to learn to balance the energy in it. I have a while to go with my own.

    Hope you’re finding yours. Ramble, out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve never done an astrology reading chart! I certainly believe in them though. There are some things that just can’t be so accurate unless there’s something dictating it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. oviate

        You can easily do one for yourself if you know what to look for. I’d suggest mostly looking at things like moon nodes because they’re the most insightful. I was told something very small about my own but I didn’t know it was that and it was just skimmed over.
        With some family passing I kind of looked up theirs to see if it aligned and if they met their goals (and some to test it out).. I found it freakishly accurate. Like, my gramps in the end struggled with his desire to be powerfully, willfully independent, yet, codependent to his wife and they were forced into separation in the last 6 months.

        You’d want the birth time to know the houses the planets are in though, that’s a big deal. I just don’t understand the astroids.

        My view is we are all the same conscious energy (protoconcsiousness) that experiences life subjectively in a material body to understand all of the various ways we can manifest ourselves. That’s generally what astrology says and many other beliefs do. Part of my supposed goal is to go through spiritual and religious beliefs, edit and dissect them, then reconstruct. In the passed I did what others did which was find something that wasn’t true and then dismiss it but I found all beliefs have a truth in them and it’s not about always being right. Plus, others may be just for some who have a specific journey in this lifetime.
        But I read my nodes which said I would likely be in a relationship with a person for the wrong reasons and by helping a person who didn’t need help it would be devastating. True; it caused a life shut down that forced me to find spiritual meaning.. (lol)
        Astrology= if true it will happen automatically and it’s a fun reference point..

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You are so wise! Maybe I’ll ask my family about my birth time and get into it–it sounds so fascinating! Thanks for letting me in on all this info. I always appreciate someone who is really passionate about something.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. oviate

        You can always just search up a general astrology wheel calculator and then just look at the base planet placements; soak it in and know it. Then layer in the time placements to know the energy they are in. The rising/ascending is very important. For some reason I think you’d be a North node in maybe Pisces or even a Sagittarius type which searches for knowledge. But, it could be south. South is kind of the intuitive passive energy you’ll naturally have. North is what you’ll actually engage in. Midheaven is career preference which time and city of birth is needed… but those can wait until a later time.

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      4. oviate

        Oh.. if you do that.. once you hit Saturn it’s strictly house because they are distant.
        Example: my Saturn is Virgo which is more sub generational which doesn’t mean as much as it being in the 12th house.. if you do, there isn’t much use in going past mars without the time/location.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. oviate

        I’d do it for you but we’d go way off topic and I’m mostly only interested in the north/south nodes lately. I’d hate to fill your comments with a large biography of an assumed you that could take a week to type out.

        One think I did was move a portfolio to a new page because the old was ignored and stagnant. However, I looked at the likes and stated to see that a couple who liked these weird pieces actually could see what they symbolically meant instead of what they looked like at face value. Sometimes a like is surprising and then you introduce yourself to their pages which gives insight into what is being seen as opposed to what others do.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. The idea that is spoken in this poem is something that goes through my mind a lot. “What do I do once I get there?” “Shouldn’t I bring someone with me?” are only two of the questions that ambush my mind whenever this idea of travel and “find yourself” crosses path with me. It’s hard. And I’m still lost. Thank you for this piece.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The answer of “travel the world” isn’t always yes or no, and it’s not always easy! Being lost is ok–in fact, I’d be surprised if we weren’t all a little lost. 🙂 Thank you for your kind words!

      Like

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