It’s easy to romanticize the past,
that we once had it so easy
it sure hurt a hell of a lot
at the time.
At the core of me is a
jaw breaker centre
filled with ghosts of all the people I could’ve been
all the tears I shed, in defence
and how they turned me to cement
All I wanted to say, realized
only after I’ve walked away.
Like trying to subdue a snowstorm,
I should have been Miss Behaviour
and turned back around.
I always thought we experienced pain now
because our future selves deserve more;
they’re worth more than this ache
they have more important things to tend to
We hurt now because pain hurts less (later on)
when we’ve already
quietly forgotten what we cried about.
But as it turns out,
it has been quite the effort
to keep afloat.
The promise of “later”,
a doll, dulled
waiting in the cold so long,
waiting for the water to run warm
that once I dipped my toes in,
the drastic change burned me, even so.