20

The chorus within
swelled a rush of relief
a pendulum that had finally
acquired equilibrium

Tucking in my memories of you,
I slipped away quietly
into the night
with only so much as the
click of the door
behind me.

You gnawed through my wires
and instead of throwing you out,
I just kept buying more to replace
the ones you ruined.

I filled my home with ghosts
of all the traits I tried to make you into
of all the kind things I wished you’d say
hoping one day you’d
fill in the blanks;
all it left me with was
a haunted house.

A cabin, fevered
of seasons passing while I
stayed the same
my leaves, still in place
my flowers, still in bloom

You aren’t the sun
and I’m not just a
stained glass window
I am the moon, the stars
and you’re a telescope
and goddamnit,
you’re going to admire me.

36 thoughts on “20

  1. velvetscreams

    I dont know what happened to me when i read-“I am the moon, the stars
    and you’re a telescope
    and goddamnit,
    you’re going to admire me” but….I just smiled wide..great work

    Liked by 5 people

  2. “A cabin, fevered” brought to mind “The Shining” with its domestic fissures crisscrossing into the otherworldly.

    But on a second reading the talk about the wires made me think of the proverbial “madwoman in the attic” a la Jane Eyre, which perhaps turns this into a reversal of fortune: Rochester locked in the attic, prisoner to another’s romantic ideals? Or, if the opening stanza isn’t final, the speaker can no more escape returning to the scene of the crime than the prisoner can exhaust the fresh supply of wires. A dilemma for both!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yes! I was gearing the concept of the cabin itself being fevered, instead of it’s her who has cabin fever. Where it is this structure of a home, and her failed expectations of him that she has built up. The stained glass windows, the chewed wires, they’re fixtures of a home where she has realized she doesn’t have to stay–she can be outside of him, and become moon, stars, be more than someone who picks up after someone else’s mess. Thank you for your wonderful interpretation!

      Liked by 4 people

  3. Elle, there is so much emotion and thought – and evocative imagery – packed into this post. Thank you. For me, you explore the light and shadow of love and loss, self-expression and relational experimentation, risk and reward and pain, self-discovery and self-awareness, and ultimately and principally, healthy self-possession. A marvelous word of poignancy and power. Again, my thanks.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Wonderful poem. The feeling of being trapped hoping for change as season’s pass came through to me. It felt like the false expectation confined her and that the eventual realization of truth and strength in herself is what gave her the courage and insight to leave. Well done. I enjoyed reading this.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yes! I really like the imagery you portray in this one. It’s dark and gloomy and I love it. It’s powerful, realizing that your world does not revolve around something so dark, otherwise the earth would have revolved around a moon.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. anxiousmousepoetry

    Oh wow, what a lovely read. You hit on something elegantly poignant that I really enjoy and admire here. I especially enjoyed the section about buying new wires instead of throwing out the cause of the damage. A terribly relevant piece to me personally, and a wonderful, empowering ending to boot. Fabulous work!

    Liked by 1 person

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